6 Tips to Help Your Child Adjust to a New Sibling
Let’s be honest, change is hard. Adding another child to your family is both an exciting time as well as a difficult adjustment, not just for you and your partner but for your older child(ren). While many parents go into this new pregnancy with a feeling of confidence, (after all, they have done it before) there are some new considerations to keep in mind.
Sharing love and attention is hard for children to understand. New babies quickly become the center of attention from well-meaning friends and family, which causes older children to feel left out. Helping your child understand that your love for them is unconditional and preparing them for the baby’s arrival and the changing family dynamics are an important part of a successful adjustment.
Follow these 6 tips for an easier transition:
Talk About the New Baby Whenever you feel ready, usually sometime in the 2nd trimester, it is important to introduce your older child to the concept of a new baby growing inside your stomach. You may want to begin to show them babies in books and in other families you know. In addition, pointing out new babies in movies, television shows and in family photo albums is also helpful. Make a family board or book that includes photos of them, and you and your partner as well as other family members as babies.
Buy your Child a Baby Doll Actually, you might want to get two baby dolls, one for you and one for your child. You can show your child how to hold, feed, swaddle, and act carefully around a newborn. Children like to mirror their parents' actions, and this is a great way to show them how to be gentle with a baby and have some intentional time together. Once the baby comes your child most likely will continue to mimic the things you do as you care for your newborn.
Read Books Books can be helpful before the baby is born - and also after. Engaging your child in conversations about what it means to be a big brother or sister is an important part of their adjustment process. Books can also create an opening to have a conversation about their feelings and ask questions. Some books we recommend for toddlers include: (Note: This is not meant to be a comprehensive list. There are many, many great books on this subject!)
We Have A Baby by Cathryn Falwell
I Used to be the Baby by Robin Ballard
Babies Don’t Eat Pizza by Diana Danzig
Big Brothers are the Best/Big Sisters are the Best by Fran Manushkin
My New Baby by Rachel Fuller
On Mother’s Lap by Ann Herbert Scott
Include Them in the ‘Getting Ready’ Prep In the months leading up to the baby’s arrival there will be many things that need to be done in preparation. Try to include your little one as much as possible by letting them help you carry the baby gear into the house, organize the changing station, and select a ‘coming home’ outfit. Give them an opportunity to play with the baby items by putting their own doll in the bassinet and swing. When the baby comes home from the hospital, put the baby down and give your child a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door. You might find it helpful, after the greeting, to have your child show the baby around the house by having them give a tour.
Keep Their Schedule Consistent Try to keep their schedule as consistent as possible. Should you be considering a new daycare or school, a new babysitter, or a move to a new room, try to make these changes well before the baby’s arrival. A lot of changes can feel overwhelming for a little one who will already be feeling a little uneasy. Ensuring any changes happen months prior to the new baby will help them ease into a new routine.
Be Positive Children respond well to a positive outlook. When we feel excited and positive, so will your child. Giving positive reinforcement can be an important tool as they help you prepare and show them how much they are valued. Having a gift for your older child when you get home can help with the transition and help to remind them that they are loved. Once the baby is home, find 5-10 minutes each day that is your older child’s special time with you. Don’t try for big outings. Keep it simple but intentional. Research shows that this short amount of time each day can make a big difference in your relationship. Partners might also find 5-10 minutes each day for their own special time. It can also be helpful during feeding time with your newborn that you have a special box of toys that can be played with only during this time. You may want to rotate some new toys into this box every so often.
Following these guidelines will help your child adjust to the new family dynamic. But keep in mind that it is not unusual for your older child to have some sleep and/or behavior regressions immediately or even a few weeks after the new baby arrives home. Sometimes, after older children realize that a baby is a permanent addition to your family, your older child may act out in a variety of ways. This is a behaviorally normal reaction and responding with empathy and sensitivity will likely help your older child move past these behaviors.
Remember: adjusting to a new baby is often challenging - for the entire family. You may feel overwhelmed at first. Be mindful, breathe, and don’t forget self-care. Should you need support from a professional, don’t be afraid to reach out to Baby Snooze Coach. We are here to support you and answer your questions about postpartum challenges and infant and toddler sleep concerns.